This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
