I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
