Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
