I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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