I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
