i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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