this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
