i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
