were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Welp...herpes.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
