I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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