4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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