If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
