I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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