he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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