you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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