You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Drake has all the answers
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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