It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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