I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
