ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
