Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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