I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
