Nicole vs. Life
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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