I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
