we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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