I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
