I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
