You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
