Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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