she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
