help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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