Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize