69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
