they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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