Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
