If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
