I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
