If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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