And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
