My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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