$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
