Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
