I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Randomize
