It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
