I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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