I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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