p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she smelled like a LAN party
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
