Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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