i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
