Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
