Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
