Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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