remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
