two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
