we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
