i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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