I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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