Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I can't put those talents on a resume
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
