I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
