My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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