my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
