he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
