I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
